Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Staging Your Home Could Be The Difference Between A Sale And Languishing On The Market

As we all know, you cannot make a second first impression. Consequently, your home must look inviting to prospective buyers from the moment they arrive at your door which makes curb appeal very important.

The lawn should be mowed and shrubs trimmed. Inexpensive spots of color can be added with flowering hanging plants and potted plants near the entrance. If necessary, the front door should be painted and the house numbers made to shine.

All the clutter should be removed as potential buyers like a sense of spaciousness in your home. Kitchen counters especially should be clutter free and the house should look like Mrs. Clean lives there. After years of living in a house, clutter accumulates in many places such as shelves, counters, garages, basements, closets and drawers. As a homeowner, you become used to it and it will likely take a trained eye to see what needs to be changed. If necessary, a small investment in a professional cleaning service will result in a higher selling price.

Keep blinds and curtains open to let in as much natural light as possible. Turn on lights in bathrooms or areas that do not have windows. All windows should be clean and sparkling. In summer, be sure to keep your air conditioning at a comfortable level. If the weather permits, keep your windows open to allow fresh air to penetrate your home.

Time for a garage sale! Go through your closets and pack up all those old clothes to either sell or donate to your favorite charity. Get rid of the junk in your garage. If necessary, rent a storage space and deposit any items that you cannot throw away or sell.

Attend to your back yard. Sweep and hose down the patio, mow the lawn and trim the shrubs. Roll up the hose and store the garden tools away. As with the front of the house, add some colorful potted plants geraniums are inexpensive, cheerful and will thrive almost anywhere.

Do not cook any fragrant veggies such as cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli or Brussels sprouts no matter how much you may love them. Also, you may want to refrain from burning incense. Some people are allergic to incense and you would not want to lose a potential sale because your buyer had an attack of sneezing. If you feel the need to add a fragrance to your home, the aroma of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies pleases almost everyone.

If any of your rooms are painted an exotic color like deep purple, repainting the walls with a neutral color is a good idea. Home buyers need to be able to project themselves into your house and imagine living there. Most people prefer soft, neutral colors so they can move their own furniture right in without having to make any decorating changes. Note the dcor in builders model homes that features wall and window treatments as well as furniture in colors that most buyers are comfortable with and find appealing.

Marc Rasmussen
Realtor in Sarasota, Florida
http://www.LuxurySarasotaRealEstate.com



Monogamy, What Does That Mean?

I have always said love and sex are like chocolate, and peanut-butter, both are good by themselves, but, when mixed together, they are at their best. You can have love without sex, and you can have sex without love. But, sex with someone you love is best.

The human animal is not always monogamous. Other animals throughout the animal kingdom are also known to be non-monogamous. In the book "The Myth of Monogamy" written by David Barash, a University of Washington zoologist and professor of psychology, and Judith Lipton, a Seattle psychiatrist, suggest that it is natural for us to cheat and that monogamy is something we have to work at. Barash said numerous recent studies have shown that many animals and birds, such as eagles, geese, beavers and gibbons, previously believed to be faithfully monogamous, aren't.

In fact, there are creatures that choose a single mate for life, even though they continue to mate or fool around with others. We assume that infidelity is most often committed by males. Male animals, like apes and lions, have harems. Mankind too, has had harems in it's past. Men having multiple lovers has been an acceptable practise among many cultures. However, studies of the wild kingdom have shown that most often it is the female that takes multiple mates. They just tend to be a little craftier at it. This is a survival method used by the female to insure that at least some of her offspring are from a quality male, while providing security for herself and her brood. We, as humans, do not need this tactic to insure our survival.

Barash and Lipton say that males tend to be opportunistic and have sex out of marriage because it is available and pleasurable. For women it is a way of obtaining something better than their mate, someone who may be richer, more handsome or more powerful.

It is not their purpose, nor mine, to condone infidelity. I think as humans we can overcome pure carnal animal behaviors. That said, I also don't condemn those that practise open or swinger lifestyles, it is being shown to be natural not to mention the latest studies show that "open marriages" are lasting longer than traditional ones. I believe you and your mate have to make the decision of monogamy or not.

Yet, we still have natural tendencies to commit adultery. We have to work at a monogamous happy relationship. Just as we have to work at playing the guitar. Learning to play the guitar would take commitment, and practice. Some of us will learn, some will give it up. Monogamy is not natural, and requires effort to achieve. Let's face it, the human mind, if not the body, is still going to rome. We will fantasize about the girl or guy we met in an elevator, or work with. We will close our eyes an envision a past lover that was particularly good. We will make love to our mates and make believe they are our favorite movie star or rock star. Fantasy is normal. Our minds a capable of creating whole worlds for us to explore. We can't stop that.

Why not provide a release for our fantasies and natural tendency to cheat? Why not heighten the passion and sexual gratification, by fulfilling a portion of our lovers fantasies? If we make ourselves the center of those needs, desires, and fantasies, we are not providing a method to maintain monogamy?

If a couple agrees that sex with others is mutually gratifying, is that adultery? If both parts of a couple are openly participating in the activity with the full knowledge and consent of their partner then this is monogamy of a different kind. The dictionary defines monogamy as follows;


monogamy
Pronunciation: (mu-nog'u-me),
n.

  1. marriage with only one person at a time. Cf. bigamy, polygamy.
  2. Zool. The practice of having only one mate.
  3. the practice of marrying only once during life. Cf. digamy.

Is this definition relevant in today's society? Definitions have often changed with the social changes. Can we not choose one mate for life, while having multiple mates for gratification? Perhaps the answer is in the 2nd definition. We choose one mate, and have sex with others. Mating does not have to mean copulation, or intercourse. Here is the definition of mate;


mate


n., v., mated, mating.
n.

  1. husband or wife; spouse.
  2. one member of a pair of mated animals.
  3. one of a pair: I can't find the mate to this glove.
  4. a counterpart.
  5. an associate; fellow worker; comrade; partner (often used in combination): classmate; roommate.
  6. friend; buddy; pal (often used as an informal term of address): Let me give you a hand with that, mate.
  7. Naut. a. See first mate. b. any of a number of officers of varying degrees of rank subordinate to the master of a merchant ship. c. an assistant to a warrant officer or other functionary on a ship.
  8. an aide or helper, as to an artisan; factotum.
  9. a gear, rack, or worm engaging with another gear or worm.
  10. Archaic.an equal in reputation; peer; match.

v.t.
  1. to join as a mate or as mates.
  2. to bring (animals) together for breeding purposes.
  3. to match or marry.
  4. to join, fit, or associate suitably: to mate thought with daring action.
  5. to connect or link: a telephone system mated to a computerized information service.
  6. to treat as comparable.

v.i.
  1. to associate as a mate or as mates.
  2. (of animals) to copulate.
  3. (of animals) to pair for the purpose of breeding.
  4. to marry.
  5. (of a gear, rack, or worm) to engage with another gear or worm; mesh.
  6. Archaic. to consort; keep company.

As you can see there are many meanings to the word mate. If we choose a lifelong mate, it is out of more than sexual reasons. We desire the lifelong companionship. We have a natural need for more than one sexual partner. Therefore, I put forth, that monogamy does not have to mean one lifelong sexual partner. Monogamy means not committing adultery. What does adultery mean then? Let's have a look;


adultery
Pronunciation: (u-dul'tu-re), [key]
n.,
pl. -teries.
voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.

Very short definition for such an emotionally packed word. I think this definition is archaic. I believe a better definition would be- Having loving relations with someone that is not your lifelong partner.

After all it's not the fact that you had sex with another partner that hurts you significant other, but rather the betrayal of trust, and the love that may be shared between you and another human being.

Sex and love are not the same thing. You can love without sex, and you can have sex without love. Adultery is the betrayal of that love, not betrayal of sex.

I believe that many who practise open relationships, or the swinging lifestyle, have come to terms with that. That is why their marriages are lasting longer on average than the general publics marriages. They have agreed to take on a lifelong partner, while participating in sexual relations with others. They love each other and have agreed to have sex with others. Their love is not betrayed, and therefore, no adultery is committed. The need to cheat has been fulfilled, and the need for a lifelong partner or mate has been fulfilled. No need to look for love outside of their relationship makes monogamy easier.

To answer the title of this article monogamy means the agreement to take on one lifelong LOVE mate. With the restrictions agreed upon by both mates.

Being in the business of Sexy lingerie and adult toys has givin me a little insite into the psychological aspects of sexual relations.



What is Shibari

The knowledge of the ancient art of is very incomplete. Research and knowledge development are still going on every day. There are many different styles, such as Fumo Ryu (the spiritual style) or Iki (the bare Zen essentials only style) and the individual styles of various rope artists.

Picture a room, lit by candles. Shadows will dance on the walls and create the atmosphere in the room. That is exactly what you want to achieve in Japanese bondage - the battle between contrasts: beauty and fear, love and endurance, desire and despair, mental growth and humiliation, pain and lust.

It is an intriquing art that involves different levels: physical, mental and metaphysical. For the Kizsh (giver, donor, dominant, active partner) it is a balancing act, juggling with various different impulses. To the Uktorinn (recipient, submissive, passive partner - in Japan sometimes also called M-jo - "maso woman" - which can be anything from a female professional bondage model to a woman who just loves to be tied. The male recipient is sometimes refered to as M-o - "maso man") it is the ultimate journey to paradise.

Weaving or wrapping

"Japanese bondage" is an inadequate, superficial translation. While most people are only aware of the bondages, the lifestyle and technique encompasses much more - in techniques as well as background. Shibari Do, as the lifestyle is called, has roots in Japanese lovemaking and courtship, Ki-energy manipulation, traditional Japanese rope torture techniques, martial arts, theater, even ancient fashion and aspects of Zen Buddhism. The erotic use of bondages is only one aspect of the lifestyle. The technique in modern days is also used as a performing art, has healing aspects and in general is also a way to train the body and mind.

Shibari best translates as either "weaving" or "wrapping in ropes". Both translations refer to the interaction between ropes, the mind and the Ki energy meridians in the human body. Ki (or Chi in Chinese) is the energy of life; meridians are the channels, through which this energy flows. And since Ki - in Oriental philosophy - controls life inside the body as well as the interaction between the body and its environment, Japanese bondage has a direct influence on life. Ki can only flow and create a healthy situation through the eternal pattern of changes between Yin and Yang. The techniques strive to influence this pattern through magnifying both the Yin and Yang position on many different levels.

Origin

There are many myths and very few facts about the Japanese bondage origin. As a result, to date its origin remains unclear. A few references to what could be early forms of Japanese bondage provide some insight.

In the first half of the 17th century, during the Tokugawa Shogunate (Edo period) the dominant Japanese religion was not Shinto (that came about after the decline of the Togukawa dynasty) but a Shogun-backed form of neo-Confusianism. One of the most important Buddhist schools was the Nichiren Shu Komon School in Kyoto. It had eight temples in Kyoto (the 17th century capital of Japan) and was financed by members of the highest classes, including the Shogun himself.

The 17th High Priest of the school, Nissei, was a decadent, powerhungry man only interested in money, power and women. Under his reign members of the high social classes would gather in this school, tie up naked women in subdued and humiliating positions and leave them tied long enough to enjoy them and make drawings of them while in bondage, thus producing pornographic pictures. These gatherings were called "komon sarashi shibari". Very rare examples of such drawings have surfaced in Ukiyo-e (17th century erotic woodblock print) collections.

While this is one of the very few documented ancient uses of bondage as an erotic technique, the fact that such gatherings excisted in Kyoto supports undocumented rumours about Samurai in rural areas tieing up women and exposing them for erotic amusement. At these gatherings apparantly bondage techniques were used, borrowed from Hojo Jitsu (the art of tieing and transporting prisoners), Japanese rope torture techniques (Kinbaku) and Sarashi (the public display of criminals). That is where the martial arts roots (if any) of Japanese bondage are believed to originate from. Although often portrayed as such, there is no evidence of a direct, linear connection between Shibari and what is known as "soft weapon techniques" in most martial arts, of which Hojo Jitsu is one.

Komon Sarashi Shibari in itself brought about another misinterpretation. Japanese words can mean many different things, depending on their context. Komon can be translated as "anus", which lead to the misconception that Japanese bondage started out as a means to display women with their behind exposed. In this case however Komon means "advisor" or "consultant" (read: part of the temple staff and "follower of confusius"), which is a reference to the school where these gatherings happened and the participants.

Another intriguing source for the Japanese bondage origin and history are ancient Japanese police records. In the 17th century at least one traditional bondage was used by doomed love couples in ritualistic suicides. "Forbidden lovers" (usually lovers from different social classes) would sometimes use the "shinju" (a torso harnass) bondage to tie each other and next - firmly connected together - plunge into a river, a lake or the sea to drown together. For quite some time such ritual suicides were known as the "shinju suicides".

This is what Washington State University notes about "shinju suicides": "the most popular theme of both kabuki and joruri (forms of theater - ed.) was the theme of double suicide, shinju, as thwarted lovers, unable because of social restrictions to live a life together, desperately chose to kill themselves in a mutual suicide hoping to be reunited in the pure land of bliss promised by Amida Buddha. Many of these double suicide plays involved ukiyo themes, such as the love between an upper class or noble man and a prostitute. This is the theme of the most famous of the shinju plays (Sonezaki Shinju), by Chikamatsu Monzaemon (1653-1725). Such shinju plays often inspired a rash of real double suicides, so the Tokugawa regime in 1723 stepped in and banned shinju not only on the kabuki and joruri stage, but in real life as well."

In Japanese psychology the word "shinju" (meaning either "pearl" or "oneness of hearts" depending on its context) is still used for multiple suicides involving people with a strong bond.

In Japanese bondage terms "shinju" is a torso harnass, tied to bring out and erotically stimulate the female breasts (the "pearls"). Amazingly the word "shinju" in Japan is also used for shoulder-string type halter tops for women.

Is there any sort of heritage?

The answer to that question is currently impossible to provide with any certainty. It might be, but due to the lack of any historical reference it is unlikely. Yes, there are references to the art dating back to the 17th century. That however is also where any attempt to trace it back any further stops. As an erotic artform it apparently existed in the very mondain upper classes in Japan. But it has no, as many claim, linear roots to any martial art.

In fact the following assumption is much more likely. Most ancient cultures have seen combinations of power, sometimes spirituality and mysticism, and eroticism. Courtley Love and much earlier Celtic and Saxon rituals in Europe and the Kama Sutra are only a few examples of this. And yes, in most of such rituals weapons and warrior culture were woven into the rituals of courtship, lovemaking and sexuality. Power eroticizes! It always has. There is no reason to assume it was any different in Japan.

Shibari today

Contemporary "Japanese bondage" pictures usually have an entirely different background which - unfortunately - is pornography. Most originate from 1950-1980 produced Japanese pornographic videos. Their only "raison d'etre" can be found in the fact that the combination of naked women and rope sells. These Japanese movies can be seen as the Japanese answer to the emerging popularity of bondage in the American pornographic industry since the 1930's (John Willie, Betty Page and others).

The vast majority of Japanese rope artists from this period actually made their money rigging the bondages for these movies and some still do. Some, such as the late Osada Eikichi (a.k.a. "mister flying ropes") and Denki Akechi, created their own style and performing acts.

Dutch author, film maker and performer Hans Meijer (54) has written the 5 e-book series "Shibari Fumo Ryu" and is currently involved in de production of intructional DVDs about Shibari. He is the chairman of the Powerotics Foundation, an organisation dedicated to providing high quality information about alternative lifestyles.



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8 Relationship Success Tips For Coupled Gay Men

Introduction

As gay men, you've struggled through and endured all the challenges inherent in finding true love with another man in this homophobic society, but you did it! You found your Mr. Right! So now what?!

Not only did we as gay men not receive any education or guidance in how to date another man, but we certainly didn't get the training manual on how to sustain a healthy, intimate partnership with him once we found our ideal guy and decided to form a commitment with him. Gay partnerships can be very rewarding and fulfilling, but they require conscious effort and attentiveness to foster their successful growth and intimacy. What follows is a short tips list that gay couples can use as a quick-reference guide for keeping their relationships on track. Keep these bullet points in mind and you'll have a solid foundation in place to make your relationship solid gold!

Relationship Success Tips

1. Avoid placing all your emotional needs on your partner. Develop your own individual identity and through those experiences, your relationship will be enriched as you keep breathing new life into it.

2. Even if youve been together a long time, never expect your partner to know what your needs are. Mind-reading and making assumptions only leads to misunderstandings and potential conflicts. Learn to be assertive and ask directly for what you want.

3. Periodically have a check-in with your partner to reexamine how the relationship is going and how satisfied you and your partner are. This keeps the channels of communication open and can help renew the relationship, reinforcing the positives and uncovering areas in need of attention before things get too misguided.

4. Characteristic of relationship development, most couples have a diminishment of that honeymoon phase high thats experienced in the beginning of a relationship when they first started dating. This is normal and not a reason to be concerned that there is something necessarily wrong. When this occurs, strive to bring more creativity and vitality into your relationship and sex life to spice things up. Surprise your partner. Be spontaneous and playful. Make him see how special and important he is to you.

5. Examine your satisfaction with the roles you play in your relationship. A real advantage of gay relationships is the ability to be flexible with life roles and not to have to ascribe to traditional sex role stereotypes commonly held in heterosexual relationships. Negotiate such roles and tasks openly and freely with your partner, acknowledging areas of strength and talent in this decision-making.

6. Avoid letting disagreements turn into ugly verbal battles where things could be said that are later regretted. Learn basic anger management principles and know when to call a Time-Out to defuse unproductive anger. Also learn how to re-engage following the cool-down period so issues can be resolved peacefully.

7. Protect your relationship legally by seeking assistance from an attorney to obtain the necessary legal documents befitting your particular relationship situation, including such things as power of attorney, wills, beneficiary designations, etc. Planning ahead with such things can insure that youre each taken care of in the event that something was to jeopardize your union.

8. Don't let the busyness of life take away from your relationship. Find a balance between work, alone time, friends, family, and time spent as a couple. Make Date Night a regular part of your lifestyle where you avoid discussing your problems or issues and just enjoy spending that quality time together. Never take each other for granted and remember that youre a team.

2004 Brian L. Rzepczynski

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Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right. To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

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